Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize