I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
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