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the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Your cock deserves a montage
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
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