i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize