Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
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Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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