I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
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ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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