ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize