You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
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Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
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You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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