he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize