Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
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twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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