I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize