um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
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yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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