Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize