saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
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