I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Just fell off a train. Bad.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
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What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
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You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
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