We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
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