after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
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