he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
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And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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