How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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