we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize