No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize