I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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