its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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