I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
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I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
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Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
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