Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
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Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
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My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
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