i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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