new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
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