remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
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He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
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My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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