I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
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Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
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Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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