he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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