so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
And then he peed in my hair
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