conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize