sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Left my wallet at the store. Wouldn't have noticed if the joint I just rolled wasn't in it.
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