the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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