the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize