Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
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