I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
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