he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize