i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize