I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize