That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize