how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
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