I smell stomach acid.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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