Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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