and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
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It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
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Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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