Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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