You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
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So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
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I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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