Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
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