From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
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This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
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I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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