he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
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